So I made a mistake at work….I know, shocking right?!?! I’ll wait until the gasps of confusion to stop and for you to absorb the hugeness of this moment.
It sounds like I’m being pompous but anyone who has known me for a while knows that I like to think that I operate in a mode of excellence that means that most of what I do is pretty darn close to perfect. I double check and I don’t submit things unless I know that I have done my very best. This time though my very best had an error and I got a good talking to. It did not feel good. The problem with working in excellence is that you start to get very proud of yourself for being this person who strives for perfection. You can start to bask in those compliments about the level of your work too much. You believe your own hype and start living with your head in the clouds. And it’s at that very moment that you trip. It’s not a matter of IF but WHEN.
So I tripped. Nothing major that would get me fired but it was noticed and I was reminded to stay focused on my task. Me not focused?? Really?? Everything in me wanted to remind her of the wunderkind that I was, of my resume and accomplishments and the awesomeness that comes out of my every pore but I couldn’t. Because she was right and I was dead wrong. I wanted to blame it on someone else but in an office as small as this one there is no one else. I had to own up to my mistake and then I felt that little prompting. The one that says that I should apologize for my mistake.
APOLOGIZE??!?! Again something that I just don’t do! Apologies just feel wrong in my throat. The thought of having to admit that you were wrong and then ask for forgiveness has never sit right in my head. I will go out of my way to not apologize to family and then there was an urging at work to apologize. Talk about a tough pill to swallow.
But I did it. I want to say it didn’t feel weird but it felt so weird coming out of my mouth. I want to say that my pride wasn’t hurt but it was-actually she felt comfortable enough in my shame to point out another mistake that I had made so of course I felt wonderful after that.
But I did the right thing and apologized.
Now at least I can enjoy the guilt chocolate I have in my desk in peace.