Thoughts from 11.19.13

My film is in stills
Pictures posed perfectly but fake
Torn edges and disjointed images
Realness as defined by what others see
Only a reflection but never an original
Waiting, waiting, waiting for the next
Waiting, waiting, waiting for definition
Waiting, waiting, waiting for someone to tell me I matter
To matter
I must be strong but weak
I must not seek but keep watch
I must not move or be moved
I must
I should know
I should know better
I should know more
I should be more
What’s next, what’s next, what’s next?
A schedule, an agenda for the perfect life in my head
2.5 and a puppy
Fences to keep me in
Labels to keep me in
Ideals to never achieve, to weigh on my head and remind me that I’m wrong
Fit in, fit in, fit in, fit in, fit it

Regret

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