I sit with my head in my hands as I try to block out the sound. Another headache pounds behind my closed eyelids and I am dangerously close to running out of the aspirin I have hidden in my desk. There’s no door so every time someone walks past I have to put on a smile and say “Nothing” when they ask if something is wrong and “Sure” if they ask if I’m okay. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to them but how do you politely say that you are unhappy at work?
I’m sure they know that something is up. My dedication and passion are sliding. I am a shadow of the person they hired and I know it.
Oh here’s another 20-something who can’t take the workplace! Or there’s another co-worker who complains about her job! The unemployment rate is blah-blah-blah; you should be happy you even have a job!
Don’t worry, I hear you. I don’t say these things lightly or without knowing what you may think of me but that doesn’t negate the truth. I am not doing what I want to be doing and it’s killing me inside. Not that I can really pin down what I want to do. I have previously applied to jobs thinking “Oh, I can do everything in the requirements” versus “Is this something I can wake up every day and still be interested in?” I have been looking at this wrong and that’s why I’m in this place again: emotionally drained and on edge, physically tired, and mentally at my wits’ end.
The silver lining in all of this is my faith. As a Christian I know Someone with answers to my questions and I have been going to Him with lots of questions. So as I search for the next step for me He is being consulted every step of the way.