Your biggest fear as a single person.
I have been dealing with fear a lot lately. The things I thought I had conquered have been lurking in the back of my mind and casting the occasional dark cloud on my sunny days. Fearless is plastered all over my vision board as a reminder of what I should be instead of the ball of anxiousness I have become. I went from flying high and overcoming a major milestone to holding on with my fingertips to the fears I had left behind.
There are so many fears I carry as a single woman approaching a certain age. I could go down the list: that I would never get married, that another year of singleness would pass me by, that I’m getting too old, that my requirements are too lax or too strict and a wealth of other scenarios that play through my head when I give into the fear factor.
But my biggest fear by far is that I won’t be a good wife. I grew up with divorced parents that did not get along well so there really wasn’t an example of a wife for me to learn from. Most of my extended family never married and even the friends I were around had parents that were either divorced or very unhappy in their marriages. I can only think of a handful of successful marriages from my childhood!
From there all of my relationships were based purely on attraction and not on shared values or vision. I tried to turn lust into love more than once and it never turned out right. I didn’t know what to look for in others or myself so I entered every encounter without a road map, not knowing what a red flag even was or that I might be a walking caution sign of issues. I was so sure they would see right through me and know that I didn’t have the tools to be the partner I longed to be.
Thankfully I have grown a lot since then. Not just age but maturity and growth in spirit. I am surrounding myself with women I look up to as wives and mothers to see as many examples as possible of the wife that I want to be. I won’t let the fear stop me from the desires of my heart. “I publicly proclaim bold promises. I do not whisper obscurities in some dark corner.” Isaiah 45:19a Yes, I have fears but I have way more faith! I stand on promises made to me long ago. So here’s to the defeat of my fears with incredible faith.