Battling Fear: The Single Woman’s Blogging Challenge Day 4

Your biggest fear as a single person.

I have been dealing with fear a lot lately. The things I thought I had conquered have been lurking in the back of my mind and casting the occasional dark cloud on my sunny days. Fearless is plastered all over my vision board as a reminder of what I should be instead of the ball of anxiousness I have become. I went from flying high and overcoming a major milestone to holding on with my fingertips to the fears I had left behind.

There are so many fears I carry as a single woman approaching a certain age. I could go down the list: that I would never get married, that another year of singleness would pass me by, that I’m getting too old, that my requirements are too lax or too strict and a wealth of other scenarios that play through my head when I give into the fear factor.

But my biggest fear by far is that I won’t be a good wife. I grew up with divorced parents that did not get along well so there really wasn’t an example of a wife for me to learn from. Most of my extended family never married and even the friends I were around had parents that were either divorced or very unhappy in their marriages. I can only think of a handful of successful marriages from my childhood!

From there all of my relationships were based purely on attraction and not on shared values or vision. I tried to turn lust into love more than once and it never turned out right. I didn’t know what to look for in others or myself so I entered every encounter without a road map, not knowing what a red flag even was or that I might be a walking caution sign of issues. I was so sure they would see right through me and know that I didn’t have the tools to be the partner I longed to be.

Thankfully I have grown a lot since then. Not just age but maturity and growth in spirit. I am surrounding myself with women I look up to as wives and mothers to see as many examples as possible of the wife that I want to be. I won’t let the fear stop me from the desires of my heart. I publicly proclaim bold promises. I do not whisper obscurities in some dark corner.” Isaiah 45:19a  Yes, I have fears but I have way more faith! I stand on promises made to me long ago. So here’s to the defeat of my fears with incredible faith.

You faithfully answer our prayers with awesome deeds,O God our savior.You are the hope of everyone on earth,even those who sail on distant seas. 
Psalms 65:5

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