I feel like admitting that I get lonely is Christian girl blasphemy. We are supposed to be strong and submitting wholly to the challenge of following Christ which fulfills us so fully that we don’t feel lonely. Or that when the urge strikes for company hanging out with your many friends will fill any voids you may feel as a single woman. Or better yet, that I just have to keep my mind off of being single and the man of my dreams will suddenly appear as if it were backwards day. All valid points in some variation but there are rare occasions that I am just plain lonely. And this is not the type of lonely that can be solved with just getting around people but can only be soothed by a partnership. This is the ache that a single woman gets in her heart to be the help meet she was created to be. I can put that energy into other things and strive towards my purpose with abandon but that doesn’t change the fact that there is an ache. There is a desire to be a wife. I hate that it feels like a weakness within me. You can train to handle these urges with grace but you can’t stop the pain of another year without that piece being fulfilled. Most of the time, I am the embodiment of a satisfied single. I live a full life: ministry and career, friends and family all meshed and rolled together into an existence I smile constantly about. But then there are times like now when I slow down and that reminder, that urge begins to make itself known again.
That, for all the company around me, I am still lonely.