Describe your most difficult break up and what you learned from it.
The moment I saw this question I knew it would be one of the harder things to write about. Not because this break up was that devastating to my life but because I don’t come out looking great in this one. There is no way to twist this into me looking like the heroine of this story but of a woman who willingly went down a dead end hoping to make it a road.
We were friends for years, through our own relationships and break ups, always supporting each other and finding ways to make the other smile. After a disaster of a break up on my end he finally said he wanted to see if we could be more than just friends and I agreed. We already knew each other so well and it felt like everything was falling into place. I turned 22 and realized that if I could turn him into my dream man, I would be married right on track with my pre-college schedule of 24. It was time to get to work.
There were so many places where we just didn’t match. He wasn’t a Christian, almost to the point of not believing in God. He didn’t want to get married, didn’t want to have kids, wasn’t sure about a career, and spent too much time in the strip clubs and drinking. I started pushing him to dream with me about a family. The picket fence, the dog, the 2.5 kids. I needed him to be as invested and to see the vision of me in white. He indulged me and talked about the dog he would like and a house with us in it but no vision of white and no kids. My prayers for him became even more focused. I needed his soul to be saved so we could get married. I wanted him to love Jesus so he could love me!
It wasn’t long before I got the call…..or rather the text. He couldn’t do this anymore. I was in shock–I mean how could he?!? Instead of agreeing I went to see him. Maybe face to face he couldn’t deny what we could have if only he changed. We talked, we argued, I cried, and I came home still single. I didn’t know what to do with myself.
For a long time I didn’t even realize that I had done anything wrong, I was just so blinded by my plans falling down around me. It wasn’t until I was honest with God and asked Him to show me where I had faulted in past relationships did He show me how controlling and manipulative I had been. I was so wrong to him. Then God showed me the dangerous place I had put myself. I wanted the relationship and marriage so much that I would have ended up lukewarm for Him. I would not have found the young adult ministry I serve in now, I would not have gone on a mission trip, no community of believers, no Light the Fuel ministry, no small group, and no reconciliation in my family. I would have hidden my light rather than outshine the man I had chosen.
To think of the woman I was and the woman I am today I am SO THANKFUL that I didn’t get what I wanted. Forget the best laid plans when God’s plan is so much better.