Talk about a moment when you got annoyed with a married friend, a person in a relationship, or a person with kids (Be honest! No judgment!)
*No judge zone!* *No judge zone!*
I promise I am judging myself even as instances of my secret hater ways come to mind. I’m not saying I’m a full time hater but I have hater tendencies sometimes…..
But I also find my musings funny at times so here are my top ten hater thoughts to those who are in relationships, married, or have children.
10. Counting your relationship in weeks.
The weekly update is only cute when children are involved. Unless you are about to have a baby or are documenting your little adorable one’s achievements (to a degree) then I should not know that you have been dating for 6 weeks. Come on now! Some things don’t need to be shared.
9. Responding that your child is “blank months” old after they are 18 months.
This is a personal preference but I don’t want to have to do math to figure out how old your child is. In truth after 1 is my limit but I get that whole 16-18 month thing since that is the half way mark. After that I should not have to do long division to figure out that your child is 2 and 1/2! Not okay!
8. Excessive PDA
This is for everyone-in a relationship or married. I just don’t want to see the pre-bump and grind while waiting in line for a movie. I get that you love each other but the visual evidence can be too much. I’m not saying don’t hug or hold hands or kiss but just know when the rubbing, touching, kissing, etc. gets to PG-13 status I am silently judging you……
7. The “My child, the genius” posts
Sorry for coming for your children but here’s the hard truth–your child is not a genius. Or at least probably not. Okay, most likely not a genius but I wouldn’t know for sure because I did not watch that video of your kid almost, kinda, maybe saying a word at 2 months old. They are not a candidate for MENSA because they smiled in their sleep. Take the picture, share it with family and their godparents but not everything is for Facebook/IG/Snapchat/etc.
6. Well-Meaning Marrieds
I think some married people forget the struggle. The single person struggle. The self doubt or worries you try not to entertain as every day you get older without someone. The single struggle is real. And sometimes I don’t want to hear that it’s better that I’m single right now and the whole spiel–just acknowledge my struggle and move along. Dang that got dark quick…bring it back with a funny meme.
5. Lost Identity Relationships
Thankfully none of my friends are like this right now but I remember that in my early 20’s my friends who got into relationships fell off the face of the earth. They changed their last name on Facebook after a month (they weren’t married just in a relationship) and if you managed to get them on the phone all you talked about was their boo, their issues, their relationship, where it was going, what they did……blah blah blah. I just wanted my friend and I got this woman who was obsessed with a dude. And most of the time he wasn’t all that. Give it 6 months and she changed her last name back and that relationship was in the rear view mirror. Some people are this way in marriage: you saw them at the wedding and all of a sudden they were never heard from again. Your friendships are more work to maintain when life change happens but friends are worth it!
4. Instant Relationship Experts
This is the person who *JUST* got in a relationship but now has all of the unsolicited advice and answers…..YOU AIN’T GOT THE ANSWERS SWAY!!
3. No chill couple
Everything you do is an event. Every date night, every Monday/Wednesday on IG, every semi-anniversary and before long every flashback Thursday. You are officially #TeamNoChill! I love love and I even love your love but give me a chance to love someone else’s love. You are flooding all of my social networks with your love and it is a little much. Why do I have to see his outfit then your outfit and a moment by moment commentary on the entire night? Acquire some chill, it is available at all major retailers but most readily at the power button of your phone.
2. “Please excuse my kid” parents
This goes out to the complete strangers who let their child act up with total strangers. Please don’t look at me like I’m insane when your child kicks me in my shin and laughs like Chuckie! That is your spawn and I am already restraining myself from inflicting some of my own horror movie-like justice from this miniature terror. It is your job to parent and discipline your child. I don’t care how you do it but please do it. When your kid decides my seat is fit for kickboxing practice please stop him/her. That is not my job as the stranger who is being assaulted by your offspring. I’m not talking about the kid who likes to run around or the little accidents at restaurants or the other regular occurrences that happen when kids are around but the outright bad, I would fight you if you were older, you might get arrested for that behavior in 10 years, type of child that is running around wreaking havoc in these streets!
1. Break up to make up couple
Your relationship is juicier than Scandal at this point. All I want to do is pop some popcorn and read your timeline ’cause they drama is real with you and your boo and that chick he cheated on you with. And she commented on the status that says you two got back together! For real girl! These ratchet moments are few and far between on my timeline but it is in reading and watching the drama unfold that I am reminded how awesome being single is.
And that’s it! I really hope I haven’t offended and that you got a chuckle or two from the list. Thanks to Mandy Hale for letting me embrace my inner hater for a post.