I woke up on the morning of my 30th birthday with a little trepidation. How would it feel to be officially out of my 20s? Another part of me wondered at my hesitance. It is not as if I hadn’t had other birthdays where I thought I would wake up feeling changed and found that it was just another day. And with that I settled in to do a little self-reflection. And I realized that 30 felt really good! I feel like I have given myself the option to want something different in my 20s. I am craving a new thing from God and within myself. I am consumed with achieving dreams that I haven’t been able to describe yet. The desires of my heart are deep and loud and will no longer be denied. I am made to be different and stand out and try something new and fail miserably and triumph greatly without fear. I’m leaving fear in my 20s and tackling my giants.
It’s been a week since my birthday and I thought for sure this empowered feeling might wear off but in truth it is only getting stronger. I feel like I’ve leveled up, like I’m Super Saiyan 30, like I took the red pill and Wonderland is everything that I imagined and more. The pieces of me that I thought were disjointed and unconnected seem to have melded into this new and improved version of myself that accepts her failings and revels in her strengths. I’m not everything I hoped to be at this point but that’s okay! Imperfections can be the best part. They are the pieces that people relate to and admire. When I see myself in the mirror, I see the doubts but also the triumphs. My reflection isn’t as harsh, my internal dialogue less destructive, the expectations more realistic and somehow attainable. My personal ceiling is gone and my limits released. I am growing in ways unexpected and taking risks that make my heart shiver with anticipation. I am just so excited about the future and it has nothing to do with anyone else. The excitement comes from the prayers I pray and the dreams I dream. My joy is in Christ alone and it feels good to be in this place.
Expect more from me and this blog! I have so many ideas and I am putting full time energy into my passions from here on out ~let’s laugh and cry and smile together. Let’s welcome the things that scare us with open arms and just see what happens. Let’s say hello to 30.