I want to share you with you some of the conversations and prayers I have with God. We all have our insecurities, those pieces of yourself that you are afraid to share with others because it doesn’t fit into what is seen as normal. I can’t vouch for everyone but I know that there are times that I feel more insecure than confident and start to wonder why I am the way that I am. I become paranoid and anxious; believing that everyone is examining and judging these flaws that I can’t seem to accept within myself. My inner dialogue starts to sound like this:
“Lord why am I so weird?
I’ve never met anyone like me. No one, not even my family has the combination of dysfunction and faith that I do. I feel so detached–I know you call it unique but I call it alone. I don’t think even my closest friends really understand me. No one could really know the maze that is my mind and the puzzle that is my heart. The mix of interests, cultures, hobbies, and things that make me laugh are so out of the box! Why would you make me this way?? How could anyone like me? How can anyone know me when I barely want to know myself?”
I know it may sound childish or like I’m complaining over nothing but that feeling of isolation and of being completely alone is where my depression and suicidal thoughts begin. But God never lets me stay there. He answers with this:
“You are my child. I made you in the womb and placed every piece of your personality together. No one knows you like me or can love you like me. Don’t be discouraged because you don’t see anyone like you-that’s the point! Your unique point of view is part of your purpose in the world. And don’t worry about other people liking you! As you learn to love your hard edges and soften those things that are a reflection of how others have responded to you and not of my original design for you, you will find friends who cherish your humor and a love who will share and learn your interests. I haven’t punished you with existence- all of this is a gift. Unwrap and enjoy what I have given to you. I love you…not in just God way but the Father who adores His daughter way. I know that’s hard for you to understand but I’m here to show you. I love you. I’m here.”
I invite you to bare your insecurities to God. Let him touch those sore or tender areas of yourself that you keep locked deep down inside. He’s always trustworthy and can heal wounds that have scarred over or are freshly made.