Here we are again.

I don’t know how to describe this mixture of feelings. I want to scream and cry out for the injustice as a knot of burning rage builds inside me.  I don’t want to be this angry but when I see men who reflect the faces of my father, brother, uncles, and cousins killed without mercy—some without cause and all without due justice it is either cry or fight. We are over the headlines and know the media cycle by heart at this point. We can recite the excuses from the police board and can name the commendations these “good” cops have off the top of our heads because that’s how this always happens, isn’t it?

Good cop, bad situation??

Or the list of do’s and don’ts well meaning people will bring out to excuse the crime.

“He shouldn’t have resisted”

“She shouldn’t have said anything”

“He should have realized they would think….”

“She should….”

Not realizing their list of acceptable behaviors spit in the face of the terror we feel knowing that any of us could be next.  None of the victims’ unscripted actions warranted their death. Even someone caught in the middle of a crime deserves due process. Let them go to trial instead of acting as judge, jury, and executioner.

As a Christian it becomes tougher because we are called to reconcile nations and cultures. I don’t want to be angry at a whole race even when it seems some of them seem to hate me. And it feels like instead of standing beside us, even against those who look like you, Black people are asked time and time again to hold in our pain. To stifle our groaning and grief in order to stand silently as a war rages on.

What more will it take before true change starts to happen? How much more can we take? I don’t have answers and it makes this world seem so much darker.

I wish I was out of tears but they continue to fall.

Because here we are again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again…..

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