Bad (at) Dates

Warning: Language 


After a series of less than thrilling online dating interactions I am ready to admit the truth: I might be bad at dating. I’m not as broken and messed up as Issa on Insecure but the monotony of small talk and weirdness of first dates rings true. I find myself wondering, “Is it supposed to be this hard?” and “Is it me?” more often than not.

chris rock

My first issue is filling out the profiles. I don’t know how guys roll but my friends and I have approved and vetoed pictures, proofread bios, and discarded entire apps in order to help each other get the best results. Yaaay for community, wine and people who are rooting for you when you try something new. After all of that work, a mild panic attack, and a quick prayer it is published. All of that goes into just PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE and the caliber of responses I have received on multiple dating sites has just been horrible.

For a forum that is built on communication the most consistent thing is empty compliments and guys who have mastered 10 different ways to ask how my day was. Recounting current events does not a conversation make fellas. I don’t have the personal bandwidth to maintain that many conversations that aren’t going anywhere. And then you find out that the majority of these responses are from men who didn’t bother  to read that painstakingly created profile, don’t have anything in common with me, or haven’t put as much effort in their own profile. When I see a weak profile that just let’s me know that your circle is weak ’cause real friends don’t let you have a wack online presence.

girls trip

Once you sift through the half-hearted attempts to connect to find someone who doesn’t think a unsolicited d*** pic is a sign of courtship comes my favorite part (I hope my sarcasm is coming through clearly) which is awkward conversation. This can be in app, regular text, or on the phone. This is where I know I am bad at dating because small talk is a form of torture. Talking about the weather or hobbies or career paths we might not actually care about is mind-numbing and I am admittedly not great at it. One can only hope to jump through these dating hoops to actually meet in person. There are those guys who don’t seem as motivated to meet in person or need all of the subtle “don’t pursue but give this dude all of the assistance in asking you out as possible” coaching that I can muster.  I just don’t understand: WHY ELSE ARE WE HERE PEOPLE?!

I’ll leave the dates themselves to be judged by those who were there….and the friends I have complained to. But I think what I’m trying to say is that the whole online dating process is exhausting and I’m over it.

So let me know if I’m bad and dating and need to throw the towel in. I really need all the help I can get! I am so ready to retire and just be the fly auntie with cute dogs and wild stories rather than keep dating. But if I’m not doing so bad I just need time to build up my meager reserve of self esteem before putting myself out there again.


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