Disappointment

I started this year cautiously hopeful and a bit excited about this journey. That lasted approximately 3 weeks.

The last week of January and most of the month of February I had constant L’s or losses for those who weren’t using slang in the early 00’s. That’s not the part that scares me.

I thought with the freedom of working from home I would be able to make time to see the people around me when in actuality I have been even more of a homebody. I thought that opportunities would drop from the sky now that I had the capacity to handle them but my well ran dry. Even as I was at a conference to grow my business, I was preoccupied with worrying about my livelihood, my circumstances, and everything that wasn’t in order.

I doubted myself. I seriously considered quitting everything and going back to a personally restrictive life of jobs that never touched my soul or came close to my purpose.

That I could really quit on myself, my dreams, and the life I am working to create scares me.

It is a self indulgent fantasy that the wounds of self doubt aren’t as painful as the ones inflicted by others. There is a voice that fears the risks and would rather I fall on my own rather than fail from a height outside of what I’m used to.

I’m sorry TLC but I have to strive for the waterfalls because the streams and lakes aren’t enough. I have put myself in a place where I can’t afford to be afraid of heights anymore.

2 thoughts on “Disappointment

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  1. “That I could really quit on myself, my dreams, and the life I am working to create scares me.” This is so real, sis. I hope you know you have prayer warriors on your side–and even better yet–a God who loves you fiercely and is unwaveringly faithful. Fiercely enough to put those very dreams in your heart and faithful enough to see them through–trust Him.

    Liked by 1 person

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